“Dharma The Cat – Philosophy With Fur”~Features clever, thought-provoking cartoons that appeal to all ages, blending philosophy and spirituality with humor.
* Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
* Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
* To find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
"Transcendence restores humor. Spirit restores humor. Suddenly, smiling returns. Too many representatives from too many movements - even many good movements, such as feminism, environmentalism, meditation, spiritual studies - seem to lack humor altogether. In other words, they lack lightness, they lack a distance from themselves, a distance from the ego and its grim game of forcing others to conform to its contours. There is self-transcending humor, or there is the game of egoic power. No wonder Mencken wrote that “Every third American devotes himself to improving and lifting up his fellow citizens, usually by force; this messianic delusion is our national disease.” We have chosen egoic power and politically correct thought police; grim Victorian reformers pretending to be defending civil rights; messianic new paradigm thinkers who are going to save the planet and heal the world. They should all trade two pounds of ego for one ounce of laughter." ~Ken Wilber
...Guaranteed to Crack A Smile! (Don't forget to turn up your speakers!)
1. Crazy Horse 2. (Old Soul) Hippo-Horse 3. Men Doing Dressage 4. Think You're Having A Bad Hair Day? 5. The Chaser ~ Walking The Horse 6. Patches, The Coolest Horse 7. Mirror, Mirror On The Van... 8. An Arabian Horse In The House? 9. Good, Common Horse Sense 10. A Zorse Is A Zorse, Of Course...! ...Of Course, and No One Will Talk ...To A Zorse, Of Course... 11. Even Horses Fall... 12. Dat's All Folks!
Swami for Precedent: A 7-Step Plan to Heal the Body Politic and Cure Electile Dysfunction.
"Driving Your Own Karma: Swami Beyondananda's Tourguide to Enlightenment"
Ask The Swami
Dear Swami: We've all been told that God created the world in seven days, and I'm wondering if He's done anything since then. Nietsche proclaimed that God is dead, and I would hate to have to believe that. Can you enlighten us, Swami?
Malik E. Fawcett Hamtramck, Michigan
Dear Malik: The FUNdamentalist scriptures tell us that on the Eighth Day, God saw that the world was funny and created laughter. He's been enjoying the show ever since. And He figured since we were humoring Him, He would humor us. So He gave us the gift of laughter so that we could see the world from His perspective. Because to God, it's all a joke. What does He care? Does God have to get up every morning and go to work? No, His work is done. He's only worked one week in the entire history of existence! Those people who insist God is dead, they are wrong. He's retired. He turned the whole business over to His Son about 2,000 years ago. And if I'm not mistaken, that means we own a share.
Being retired, the Creator sits around and watches us on Funniest Home Videos all day. And because we FUNdamentalists value His gift of laughter so much, we want to humor Him just as He has humored us. That is why the devout FUNdamentalist stops all other activities to play several times a day. This devotional state of playing to God — we call it "plair" — means surrendering to the Farce and offering oneself up as entertainment. Plair is not a purely altruistic activity, however. There's an old saying that idle hands do the devil's work, and God is no exception. Being retired and all that with lots of time on His hands, He has little else to do but think up practical jokes all day.
FUNdamentalists believe that God is less likely to impose His brand of amusement on those busy amusing themselves. It is during these moments of fervently playing that FUNdamentalists have been able to feel the levitational pull to counteract all of the gravity in life, and been able to see things from the Creator's recliner right in front of that big screen TV — and clearly hear the laugh track.
We believe that every human has the right to laugh, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness unless of course happiness is a warm gun, in which case some restrictions may apply.
We have the right and duty to laugh at our leaders, particularly those times when their actions are either seriously foolish or foolishly serious. We have the right to help them laugh with each other and at themselves, and if they are incapable of doing that, we have the right to laugh them out of power.
We have the right to laugh at the obscene foolishness of spending so much of our precious livelihood on weapons of deadlihood, and at the utter absurdity of doing the same things that haven't worked in the past and expecting them to work now and in the future.
We propose creating the office of Supreme Court Jester to encourage citizens to use the light of laughter to illuminate the shadow, especially in those poorly lit corridors of power.
We seek to extend this Right to Laugh all across the globe, especially places where things just aren't funny.
We propose that the United Nations and all levels of government begin each session with the Hokey Pokey. You put your whole self in - that is commitment. You pull your whole self out - that is detachment. You turn yourself around - and that is transformation and that's what it s all about.
We believe the problem is serious. But the solution is humorous. It's a scientific fact. The best way to overcome gravity is with levity. So all those who want to take a vow of levity please rise! Put your hand on your jocular vein, and recite the Right to Laugh Pledge: All for fun and fun for all.
Congratulations! You have now joined farces with the Pro-Laugh movement to raise the laugh force and increase the laugh expectancy on this amazing planet.
May we all wake up laughing, and leave laughter in our wake. For surely, the Farce is with us!
Declared and Absurdified by
Swami Beyondananda
OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER:
Although we are enthusiastically pro-laugh, we are pro-choice as well. We respect each and every individual s right to not laugh. If you want to be miserable, go right ahead. Whatever makes you happy.
All for fun and fun for all!
One big party, everyone is invited
From the comic GO FISH by J.C. Duffy
From the comic GO FISH by J.C. Duffy
WARNING~!!! New Celestial Computer Viruses Detected
While the Hale-Bopp comet may not have any spaceships in its tail, it apparently has released several new celestial computer viruses into our galaxy. Initial reports indicate 12 such viruses have been detected. The following is a listing of the new viruses and their attributes:
The ARIES virus continuously creates new *.ini files, and repeatedly reboots your computer to initiate them.
The TAURUS virus automatically backs-up all files on your hard drive and prevents you from ever deleting any information or files. The GEMINI virus opens any available communication software, logs on to the internet, and uses your web-browser to search for gossip about celebrities and politicians, starting a new search every 2 minutes. The CANCER virus fills up your hard drive with cooking recipes, home repair tips, and old Dear Abby columns, and then installs a screen-saver that flashes 1-800 numbers for various 12-step programs across your screen. The LEO virus announces its presence with a RealAudio roar (often followed by a QuickTime clip of the MGM lion if supported by your hardware) and proceeds to delete files from your hard drive to make room for the long list of computer systems it has conquered. The VIRGO virus continuously eliminates any files or programs you haven't used for a month and defrags your hard drive every time you exit a program. The LIBRA virus downloads from the internet any optional features it can find for your installed software, and installs pop-ups for each new feature that describe its pros and cons and asks whether you want it installed now or later. The SCORPIO virus lurks in the background, surreptitiously downloading x-rated binary files every time you surf the net (now you know the real reason web-browsers are so slow!). The SAGITTARIUS virus immediately begins searching your hard drive for the one true Source code, identifying and deleting all mere object code in its path. The CAPRICORN virus constructs and continually updates a database of all information on your hard drive searchable by file name, creation date, file size, author's name (and last known address), subject, and Library of Congress classification code. The AQUARIUS virus deletes all old versions of any software on your hard drive, and provides new wireless remote connection capability for obtaining the latest version of each program by FTP transfer. The PISCES virus reconfigures your hard drive(s) to eliminate any artificial boundaries such as partitions, directories and files, and instead unites all software code in one universal string.
“Dharma The Cat – Philosophy With Fur” ~ Features clever, thought-provoking cartoons that appeal to all ages, blending philosophy and spirituality with humor.
AURAS are fields of energy around our bodies which most of us can't see. All genuine New Age people believe in Auras, although few can see them. Auras have different colors. You can tell how highly evolved people are by the color of their auras. However, there are so many different theories about Auras that people are confused about which colors are better than others, which of course is very important to New Age People. Everybody does agree that having any color of Aura is better than having none at all. Here is the final definitive, scientific rating of Aura colors:
White - Forget it. They're avoiding you. You wouldn't know one if it bit you.
Violet - Very, very high. If you see someone with a violet aura, try to ingratiate yourself.
Blue - Highly conscious, although somewhat pompous.
Blue - Green - Semi-conscious. Fun at parties.
Green - Reasonably conscious. Very healthy. Fond of plants.
Yellow - Average. Some hope for evolution, although unlikely to be interested in it.
Orange - Has moments of consciousness. Uninspired sexual partner.
Red - Passionate and quick tempered, but not very b-r-i-g-h-t.
Brown - Traditionally referred to as "robot-consciousness". Often successful in politics. California has produced two presidents like this.
Black - Unpleasant at best. Avoid them.
C is for CHANNELING:
CHANNELING is what Channels do. A Channel is a person who does channeling. Is that clear? Let's try again. Suppose someone is dead (or at least highly evolved and not in a body) and wants to talk to people who are still alive (or at least hanging out in a body). Okay, one more time. Suppose higher entities want to talk to us lower entities. They can't talk directly to most of us because our minds are too busy to listen. So they find someone whose mind isn't as active to act as a channel. This person channels information from the higher entity to us lower entities. Naturally the channel charges for this information, but that's only so the channel can continue to provide this valuable public service. Channeling is very popular these days. It seems the other dimensions are filled with entities with something to say. In fact, so many of us lower entities are becoming channels ourselves that soon we may all be channels. Everybody will talking and nobody will be listening. Guess that's what the New Age is all about.
E is for ENLIGHTENMENT:
ENLIGHTENMENT is what all Genuine New Age People are after. Nobody really knows what it is, but everyone agrees it must be better than being unenlightened, which is what we've got now. People believe that if you are Enlightened you will never have any problems again. You will have all the money and things you need (although you won't care about them) and you can spend the rest of your life (or lives) just grooving with Nature and God. (See separate listings). There are, admittedly, some Spiritual Teachers who claim that after you become Enlightened your work has only just begun. They have few followers.
G is for GOD:
GOD is the One who started it all. Many people still carry a grudge about that. He is also the One who made all the rules. This upsets many people who would rather make their own rules. These people have decided that God doesn't exist. Fortunately for them, He hasn't done the same. Many New Age People want to find God, although they have a hard time explaining how they lost Him in the first place. According to most reports, God would not be easy to misplace. Perhaps people figure it's more fun to look for Him than to find Him.
L is for LOVE:
LOVE is what the New Age is all about. True New Age People love everyone. You can tell this because they smile very sweetly, speak in soft, gentle voices, radiate total acceptance, and forgive you immediately for all your faults. If you enjoy this sort of Pure Saintly Behavior you are a New Age Person and deserve to be around it. However, if Pure Saintly Behavior drives you up a wall, and your idea of Love is a little more lively than that, we suggest you look elsewhere for companionship. After all, there are still a few good years of pre-New Age left to enjoy.
Sis for SEX:
SEX is...well, you probably already have a rough idea what sex is. Although New Age People think sex is more than you think it is. (See TANTRA). It is unclear if there will be any Sex in the New Age. Some people think we will transcend all that nasty physical stuff. Other people, who still think that nasty physical stuff is a lot of fun, hope it will just get better and aren't much interested in the New Age without it. Come to think of it, how long do you think the New Age would last without it?
T is for TANTRA:
TANTRA is a special kind of sex (See SEX) which is done for spiritual reasons. It naturally appeals to Americans, who have all been brought up believing that Sex is dirty. With Tantra we can all fuck ourselves to Higher Consciousness. God is good.
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The Genie of The Bottle
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So.. what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ...a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "you better let me have a look at that map again."
Cowboy and Western Artist Leslie Engelhart
Cowboy in Church
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd still feed him." So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
“Dharma The Cat – Philosophy With Fur” ~ Features clever, thought-provoking cartoons that appeal to all ages, blending philosophy and spirituality with humor.
Zoo Fence. Org ~ A Commentary on The Spiritual Life ~ Featuring Brother Theophyle Cartoons
Michael Teachings Related Humor On The Net...
MICHAEL TEACHINGS HUMOR by Michael Channel Shepherd Hoodwin ~ Includes: MESSAGES FROM BOB ~ DIAL-A-MICHAEL ~ HOW I REALLY BEGAN CHANNELING ~ "BASICALLY" ~ THE MICHAEL HOME FOR VERY OLD SOULS ~ IDENTICAL COUSINS ~ ABOUT THE AUTHOR
MICHAEL LAND HUMOR WEBSITE Hosted by Dave Gregg ~ An Irreverent Look At The Michael Teachings ~ Take a humorous version of The Michael Personality Profile Test, A Michael Teachings Quiz, Read "You Know You're An Old Soul When..." ~ Experience "The Great Michael Adventure", read humorous Recent Channelings by Dave Gregg and more!
MICHAEL TEACHINGS PERSONALITY GAME JOKES ~ Features ROLE JOKES related to each of the 7 Personality Types from ItsTime.com ~ Barbara Taylor's Comprehensive Michael Teachings Resource Website ~
Click Image to Go To WWW.GLASBERGEN.COM Home Page
Click Image to go to: WWW.GLASBERGEN.COM Home Page
Click Image to go to: WWW.GLASBERGEN.COM Home Page
NUKEES Comic Strip by Darren Bleuel ~ From the Storyline entitled, "Love Her To Death" ~ CLICK ON STRIP to continue reading storyline sequence.
NUKEES Comic Strip by Darren Bleuel ~ From the Storyline entitled, "Love Her To Death" ~ CLICK ON STRIP to continue reading storyline sequence.
NUKEES Comic Strip by Darren Bleuel ~ From the Storyline entitled, "Love Her To Death" ~ CLICK ON STRIP to continue reading storyline sequence.
NUKEES Comic Strip by Darren Bleuel ~ From the Storyline entitled, "Love Her To Death" ~ CLICK ON STRIP to continue reading storyline sequence.
NUKEES Comic Strip by Darren Bleuel ~ From the Storyline entitled, "Love Her To Death" ~ CLICK ON STRIP to continue reading storyline sequence.
NUKEES Comic Strip by Darren Bleuel ~ From the Storyline entitled, "Love Her To Death" ~ CLICK ON STRIP to continue reading storyline sequence.
